I’m still going to the libraries, just not as frequently
and I’m being more selective on which ones I go to. I don’t want to make it
easy for them, but what else am I going to do? I’m not going to be safer by
hiding in a store or mall. I’d get kicked out if I stayed there too long
anyway. I’m not going to be safer if I stay outside or squat in a basement
either. Whatever I do, wherever I go, they’ll find me, so I might as well keep
doing what I want.
What do I even want? What can I even want? A normal life with a
husband and kids later on? A career in the field of entomology? What’s the point
of wanting something that won’t ever happen?
What about being afraid? Can I want to stop the fear and
the panic? Is that even a possibility anymore?
Stitch says I shouldn’t worry about that stuff, and that
I should just live in the present and keep going to the library. Stitch likes
our trips to the library. It likes them because it knows it makes me happy and
keeps me going. It says it wants me to keep going and it wants to help. It
wants to protect me. That’s true I guess. It’s protected me before, right?
Except when it hasn’t
